From Fear to Freedom: My Journey Through Trauma and Why I Work to Empower Other Mothers

Trigger Warning: This blog post discusses trauma in early motherhood. If you are triggered by this topic you may choose to skip this blog or read it once you have support available. If you are seeking support, please refer to the list of resources at the end of this blog post.

The Darkness of Early Motherhood

For me, early motherhood was defined by fear. A state of hyper-vigilance, a constant feeling of tension and tightness in my body - the urge to run, to scream, to fight.

When I look back now, almost 7 years on, I can’t quite believe that I somehow emerged on the other side of that experience, physically well and emotionally safe.

Safety did not define my experience of early motherhood. My environment was far from stable and secure.

I felt like I was drowning, using all of my energy just to keep my head above water. Watching my life fall apart around me, frantically trying to pick up the pieces.

But despite how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop my world from crumbling, I couldn’t put the pieces back together. Every decision I made seemed to be wrong, seemed to take me further into the darkness.

I was existing in a constant haze that dulled my senses. I couldn’t see, hear, or think clearly. I lost my ability to use my voice, to advocate for myself, to connect with my body, and to make choices.

I never imagined I would find my way back to safety – let alone empower other women to do the same.

Breaking Free: The Day Everything Changed

Eventually there came a breaking point. A point where I knew there was no way back to the future I imagined.

I still vividly recall the day that everything changed – the day I packed up my life, ready to leave behind fear and move towards safety.

I remember sitting on the steps inside my house while my son was sleeping, surrounded by boxes, tears falling uncontrollably down my face.

I was grieving the life I thought I would have, about to begin the long process of working my way through trauma and rebuilding my life.

That day marked the beginning of my journey from trauma to transformation, though I didn't know it at the time.  

The Path to Safety

Moving to safety wasn't enough – my body was still stuck in fear, still wanting to run, scream, and fight.

What followed was an avalanche of emotions that I wasn't prepared for. The rage came first – some days I just wanted to scream and scream and scream until there was nothing left to release.

Then came the crushing shame – I felt such immense shame at the anger and hatred that had built up inside me. Anger that I wasn't kept safe at a time when I was so vulnerable as a new mother.

Finally, came the freeze and overwhelm – I didn't know how to move these extreme emotions, how to work with them, how to transform and transmute them.

So, my body would shut down, my nervous system completely overwhelmed.

The Power of Movement and Connection

Professional help began my process of rebuilding, and I started to make sense of my world again. But I was still holding so much fear and rage in my body.

I started working more deeply with yoga, using movement, breath, and meditation. Yoga slowly became my path back to connection with my body, a way to cultivate safety in my nervous system. It allowed me to collect data, to make choices, and regain my agency.

Then I began to work with women's circles, and this was when I started to see profound change. I discovered that the combination of building connection with my body, and connection with other women in community, was a potent formula for changing my experience.

And after years of this work – slowly and consistently building connection with my body, building connection with other women, cultivating relational safety – I finally arrived on the other side of the experience, a completely different woman to the one that had commenced her motherhood journey all those years ago.

I wish I could say there was a quick fix, something that magically changed for me overnight. But it was a slow, challenging, painful process, over many years. 

Empowering Women Through Trauma Informed Yoga

My experience of trauma in early motherhood led me to this work. It led me to dive deep into yoga, trauma, and the nervous system.

It led me to establish my yoga business, as a vehicle to work with women, in a way that will enable them to reclaim the power of birth and motherhood.

My own journey has given me a deep understanding of what's at stake – and what's possible when we have the right tools and support to walk the path of motherhood.

Creating Ripples of Change

My vision extends beyond individual empowerment, to changing the landscape of birth and improving outcomes for all women in motherhood.

I believe that when women emerge into motherhood with the power of their birth, they create waves of positive change that impact families, communities, and ultimately, the world. 

I am deeply committed to empowering women as I understand first-hand the profound impact this has on families and communities.

Every time I witness a woman reconnect with her body and reclaim her power through movement and connection, I'm reminded why this work is so important.

Because I know first-hand: when we empower mothers, we're not just changing one life – we're transforming generations.

This is my why. I do this work to break the patterns of trauma, so they don’t get passed down to future generations.  

Resources

ForWhen: A free national care-navigation phone line that connects new and expecting parents or carers to perinatal and infant mental health services and supports in their local area.

Perinatal Depression & Anxiety Helpline - PND | ForWhen

The Gidget Foundation: Provides free telephone support counselling and information on antenatal and postnatal depression.

Gidget Foundation Australia | Supporting the Mental Health of New and Expectant Parents

PANDA: National Perinatal Mental Health Helpline.

PANDA | Support that’s always there, for you and your family

Lifeline: A free 24/7 telephone support service for crisis support, suicide prevention and mental health support services.

Lifeline Australia - 13 11 14 - Crisis Support. Suicide Prevention.